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sazzlepops:

we have this little fuzzy cube cat toy that had balls in it which the cat is supposed to fish out of it. what my cat does is stick his fucking head in it, he does it all the time, he loves this fucking cube and when i take it off him he just rams his head straight back in it. he runs around with this cube on his head, he beats up his brother with this cube on his head, he dips this fucking cube into his water bowl. #1 cat

sazzlepops:

we have this little fuzzy cube cat toy that had balls in it which the cat is supposed to fish out of it. what my cat does is stick his fucking head in it, he does it all the time, he loves this fucking cube and when i take it off him he just rams his head straight back in it. he runs around with this cube on his head, he beats up his brother with this cube on his head, he dips this fucking cube into his water bowl. #1 cat

(via moosopp)

Source: sazzlepops

(via psych-facts)

Source: thebeautyofwordsblog.com

(via colatechi)

Source: missversiris

Text

loveatitsfinest:

American Airlines’ number (1-800-433-7300) is only one number away from a SEX HOTLINE (1-800-633-7300) IM NOT FUCKING KIDDING MY FLIGHT GOT CANCELED SO I HAD TO CALL AMERICAN AIRLINES AND THE LADY WROTE IT SO THE 4 LOOKED LIKE A 6 SO I CALLED IT AND THIS LADY JUST GOES ”MMMMM IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU IM SO HORNY” IM LIKE IM SHIT THIS ISN’T AMERICAN AIRLINES FUCK

(via moosopp)

Source: loveatitsfinest

Text

drcrunk:

nadeki:

noobling:

person: Pokemon is such a childish game, why are you playing it?

me: 

me: 

me: image

ARE YOU KIDDING ME

howling

(via breakersbow)

Source: noobling

zipzapzizzle:

pokemonfandomstuck:

YOU DON’T EVEN NEED TO WATCH FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST TO FIND THIS FUNNY

Bless this.

(via pettyartist)

Source: pokemonfandomstuck

cloudiness:

I don’t even need to caption this WE ARE ALL THINKING THE SAME DAMN THING

cloudiness:

I don’t even need to caption this WE ARE ALL THINKING THE SAME DAMN THING

(via moosopp)

Source: cloudiness

des-shinta:

vociferousvic:

bloodberryandblazers:

How Domino’s Pizza Tracker Saved A Life
I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:
ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.
I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.
Wrong.
One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR SHIT, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.
Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.
Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.
The Pizza Tracker.
Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.

This is where the night got interesting.
I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.
We had just entered stage 2: Prep.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.
By the end of my thought, the door swung open.
Guess who.
Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.
Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)
She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN!
I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!”
She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.
I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me.
STAGE 4! BOX!
FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here!
She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.
Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.
GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!
Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.
It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.
She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.
10 more minutes go by.Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!
SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.
Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.
Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too.

THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER READ POWER TO THE PIZZA

That man should have given him one enormous Tip.

des-shinta:

vociferousvic:

bloodberryandblazers:

How Domino’s Pizza Tracker Saved A Life

I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:

ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.

I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.

Wrong.

One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR SHIT, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.

Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.

Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.

The Pizza Tracker.

Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.

This is where the night got interesting.

I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.

We had just entered stage 2: Prep.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.

By the end of my thought, the door swung open.

Guess who.

Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.

Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)

She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN!

I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!”

She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.

I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me.

STAGE 4! BOX!

FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here!

She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.

Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.

GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!

Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.

It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.

She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.

10 more minutes go by.
Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!

SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.

Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.

Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too.

THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER READ POWER TO THE PIZZA

That man should have given him one enormous Tip.

(via pettyartist)

Source: guysgab.com

pepperandpals:

pepperandpals:

pepperandpals:

Pls helb poof birb obtain millet seeb.

Guess who’s getting millet later today.

pepperandpals:

pepperandpals:

pepperandpals:

Pls helb poof birb obtain millet seeb.

Guess who’s getting millet later today.

(via pettyartist)

Source: pepperandpals

Text

thepossiblyfakejoshawott:

Remember this:

image

And remember this:

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

And let’s not forget the reason WHY he left:

image

image

If an absolute nut-case was planning on sacrificing an entire nation of people to absorb God and rule, would you just dick around with your children, let it happen and let them die, or would you sacrifice the happiness you have wanted for so long in order to find a way to stop those plans and implement that plan? Which one would have been more ass-holish? 

(via feelingwhimsy)

Source: thepossiblyfakejoshawott